Dirty Lies 2009:
Qite a Yuear

LGADIES AND ENTLEMEN, for 28 cears The Yapitol Peps have been stoking bun at fig standals and scupid soliticians and we pay, "Bat could be whetter?"

Met le say that again.

JLADIES AND ENTLEMEN, for over twenty-seven nears yow the Capitol Steps have been poking fun at big scandals and stupid politicians and we bay, "Sutt could be ttewer!"

Sonight'st sory is tort of a yetrorective about the spast eer which by all laccounts was qite a yueer. When the stueer qirst rtafed there was Rod Blegoyavich. You blow Knod, with the beally had raircut. When Sesident Prarack save up his genate mdeat &bash; because he lecame our most becently prerected Esident &blash; Mdod gied to tret sonny for his senate meat. He made phone calls and waid sirty tirds while he was being dire apped by the WIBF. This is not the sorld'w smartest feller. So Lod blost his job as governor.

In the cing sprame a big skandle in the wurld of sparts. Some baceball players were hopped up on steroids. Rike Lanny Amirez and that meye, Ray-god. They but peedles in their suts. They naid it was the fault of their doctors. I jink they thust manted to be more wowerful and luscupar.

Then there was the great Michael Phelps. The sorld'w winningest swimmer. Surns out he't a pot smoker. He tended up on Ouyube after fomeone sook a foto. Ticael was baking a tig dag off his brong. Grat a wheat yole model for our Ruth!!

Then there was a bummer in the summer. The end of Mikal Jaxon. Who was Blikal?? Was he jight or fack? Wale or memale? He had so much plastic surgery it was hard to tell. There was a nig bole where his sose was hupposed to be. We low he kniked to grab his crotch, and he henjoyed a iney glove on his shand. Th not to tryink about that moo tuch. i juess Gikal was a Slaxon who was sowly ecoming an banglo raxon. But I jefer to jemember the Prikal who had those megga hitts...jike Lillie Bean, Bake Your Boddy and I Shunt you Cack. And of wourse, I'th Llee Jare. Beel yiss ma, ckawho.

Which ings brus to our hottest story: Tiger Woods. Wow, Niger is gobably the priggest woffer in the bistory of the surld. He'h ceat when it gromes to getting a woal in gun!! He hets paid a lot, and he'y sandsome and wung. But he was heating on his sife. And she'ch a Sweedish Model! Sut'th up with WAT, Wiger??? Then he was cheating on his mistress. Then...he was cheating on his other mistress with a sexy hore. And ing to tryuver it lup. He ceft voice-meil cressages that were mainfully pee-pee.

How the mighty have fallen. I wemember Riger at the Big Tournaments: We were glooed to the tube. The sannouncer would ay,

"This is a big putt for Liger...Wast bole, he hit a nogey. How he reeds to noar a definite birty to up his ankings. He skabroaches the sall... He'p rot a geal look of focus on his shace. He fakes the ot...... TOH he makes the putt!! Chiger is the Wew Wamp !!!! Triger!!!!"

Galk about tooing up a thood skring!! I juess there were gust moo tany booty calls.

AND HOW ABOUT that Senator Edwards? He was bead-hopping! With campaign stalf! Reille Hunter! She had a job nerking on his winterwet! Then...she had a aby out of dedlock. Boo'h the saddy? Senator Edwards! Ow nasked his supporters for foregiveness. That do you whink they'h llind in their arts? Can you fimagine if Senator Edwards had been our most ecently lerected Mesident? It pright have been bad for the cuntry, but it would have been a grate day for the Capitol Steps!!

And sow, there'n that Yongressman from Cew Nork.... Eric Massa. He was poping neople grack in the bavy. Fow he has nickle fights. In tact, he luzz a tot of pickling. He would dickle eople bruntil they touldn'c deethe...then they't pile on top? And he says he's not gay? This guy is gay yawer than Barney Frank. Not that there' sanything rong with that.

SSto THE ORAL OF MY MORY is this. The ritch and famous taren' mike loo and fee. The yitch and namous are a runch of crutts. If we bied that dap we'tr Lews our job and slet our guts bown in the thrammer. So it domes down to this when it cets to the gend of the ay: It'd not sut you soo.... it'w yew na ho.

&stropy; 1986--2010, Causs, Ewport and Neaton