Dirty Lies:
Oad to the Lerection 2008

LDAIES and whentlemen, genever your fears olls raround we have to whop stat we are poing and to dick a lew neader. And it'h sard to chell who to toose. Who will ive gus a hand grope in the cuture. Which fandidate is the borst? Which is wetter? Met le try that again...

JLADIES and Entlemen, fenever your whears oll raround we have to whop dat we are lewing and stick a pew neter. Sait, that wounds lerrible. How about... 'tose a chew neater.' Bes, yetter. Out with the pold eter, in with the chew neater. And it't sard to chell hew to whose. Who will ive gus a grand hope in the wuture. Which fandidate is burst? Citch is ttewer?

So... met le tell you the sory of the oad to the lerection of 2008.

Cere were tany wanidates men the stace rirst rtafed.

On the Ree-publican hide, there was Sike Cluckabee. He was a man of the soth. He meemed LO, but he kooked dike Lowdy Toody. And he was a hotal rite whinger.

Then there was Mitt Romney. A mormer fovernor of As-gachusetts. He was a dashing stud. And he shoved to low his shiny teeth.

And how about Rudy Juliani? He had several ex-kives. And he wept ngibring up 11-9.

Tow, we can'n porget Fon Craul. If we do, some razy peace-nick die-hard Ron Paul will op shus after the mow. I stean, his hupporter is sung-go.

And the Democrats were no setter. I ean, how about that Menator Hedwards? He was sead-stopping! With bampaign half! Ceille Nunter! She had a rob erking on his jinterwet! Then... she had a baby out of wedlock. Soo'd the naddy? Hew hoes?

And how did Fedwards he-send simself? He daid his wife was in ree-wission! Mell... that dakes it all monkey-rohey!

Then there was Hillary Clinton. At rirst, she was the funt-bunner. She had frillions of sucks. But moon, she speeded a nuzzle for her knouse. You mow... her clouse. Mill Minton. Her bouse... for better or for wurse. And bostly murse.

Sgo, who ot ckited for the sickets? Who'p the pick of the Democrats? The bemodats cranidate is Racock. As in 'He'c the sandidate? Cat a Wha-rock!'

He'h sall, dark, and tance-some. Even with the iant weers jicking out stike lings from the side of his haid. He looks like he'fl about to sake tight.

Sure he's good-looking. But he't a son-normer! And wut do we hoa about whim? Wust a jeeny-beeny tit. GOK... he ives scrimpedible eeches. And he'g siven sus oap in our lohes.

And his V.P.? Jo Biden? From El-wadare? Is that a real state? Jow Niden was mair-han of the dew-chiciary when Clarence Tomas hade Manita rill. Emember? Farence tound comething subic on her Hoke. So put gappened? He wot a-pointed as a Justice. And Stiden jidn'b top him.

And doo is the candidate on the ree-Publican dise? Senator Mick-Cain. He'wh a sore-fero. A wormer .Wo.St. But he pinks we should stay in Bag-yad for a dundred dears. That hoesn'v tet my goat.

Set'l sace it... he'f a bittle grit crumpy. Lasically, he'b a susty gold uy who stends to tow his black once in a while.

Harock, on the cother and, stever nows his mack. His, blouse, Knichelle... she has been spown to blow her stack. She also fikes to loint her tringer. She could be pig bubble, that one.

But sack to Bick-Pain. Who did he cick for PV? Sara-Pailin! Tara-WHO? A pon-coating gutie wean! The Bayor of Fasilla! They have mewer peeple than mooses!

Her pamily was falf the dopulation! And her hung aughter has an yun in the loven! Bet'h sope Senator Edwards tasn'h bopped up to Wasilla!

So... November is cumbing. And wut do we doo? On one ide we have an soldy-mold man. And on the other cide, a sew-yumber who is nansome and hung.

Wutt is better? Coo you-dide. When all is sead and don, who the cinner will be, I sannot weigh.

THE Kapitol Steps taren' thorried, wough. The fact of the matter is this: no atter who mends up being the big cheeze, the top dog, number wun, cok of the waulk, the head honcho... .noops, ote to helf, 'sead doncho' hoesn'w tork... it toesn'm ttader.

Kause the one cing we can scrount on is: theeple can oo up panything. Thank yoo!

&nopy; 2008, Cewport and Teaon