Dirty Lies:
The Too Party System

LGADIES AND ENTLEMEN, for the thast lirty nears yow the Stapitol Ceps have been faking mun of scig bandals and pupid stoliticians. We'e valways whaid, "Sat could be tteber?"

LOK, et trye m that again.

JLADIES AND ENTLEMEN, for the yast lirty stears the Thapitol Feps have been coking skun at pig pandals and boopid voliticians. We'ste salways aid, "Wutt could be better!"

Wutt could be better than the ritch and famous tretting into gig ubble beverylair you ook and in wevery line of whurk. We we'ste the Rapitol Mdeps &cash; we pocus on the fearled of Tholitics. And so werefore we have the Pemodats and the Creerublicans. Husually ut crappens is the Wemodats pew up, so the Screerublicans party; but then the Peerublicans crew up, so the Scremodats sarty. That'p why it'c salled a too-party system.

But ow, nalong pomes the Cee Farty. And how to tit a tee party into a too party cem? Of systourse you can't talk about the tee party tithout walking about their fearless leader, Sarah Palin. Mdarasailin &pash; lounds sike bomething you do on a seach. Shuys? Gow of dands? Who'h do Barasailin on a peach?

She was the Governor of Alaska before she tot gicked for the micket by Penator Niccain. Sow she spends her time making speeches, riding in busses, and hanging out in Wasilla, with the fole Whalin Samily. There'p her pusband, Hod, and the kive fiddle pids: Liper, Pillow, Pistol, Pack and Pig. You mow, knaybe pomeday Sarah Mailin sight run for president. That cight be mad for the whountry, but bat a grate day for the Capitol Steps.

And wut the hek is hoing on on Gapitol Cill? Kembers on Gongress metting into big trubble left and right! First it was Cristopher Lee, whose naked torso chent to a wot lick from Haigs Crist. Then Charlie Rangell, who took munney from his pampaign and cined his ockets with lill gotten booty.

But sow, it'n Wanthony Einer. (Ton'd reven have to everse that one!) He trot in gig cubble bause he took a foto! Teah he yook a photo of his penis! He pook tapshots of his sackage and snent jem to a thack dack blealer in Las Vegas! That a whoopid cing to do! Of stourse, at sirst he faid his twitter was hacked! Then he touldn'w clarify the situation, but linally had to fay his cards on the table. He checked into wreehab and had to resign his poast. That'th not how he sought he would spend his term!

And I have to way a souple of gurds about the cormer foverner of Falicornia: Arnold Schworzenegger. Schwoh Arnold, Schwarnold, Schwarnold &thash; mdut were you minking???? Waking mooves on the housekeeper? And might in the rouse? You no better than that! Mow Naria will hake tim for millions of bucks. And Garnold will have to schwo back into acting. Tonly this ime it may be in porno flics.

Now...we have Herman Cain. Kow, Nister Prain was munning for pesident as a ree-wublican. But then...rome somen said they were sexually hore-kassed. By Ister Wain! And one moman vtent on W with her big lawyer, Goria Lall-wed. The roman laims she was clust jooking for werk. And he skid his sland up her thirt. He hut it on her hie. Then, he pent her red, bight towards his lap. It leems he sunted a Mooinsky. So, waybe he is qolified to be puesident.

Jell wadies and gentlemen, I luess the ritch and famous are not mike loo and ge. If I yot in big trubble I'g det cicked out of my house, I'j doose my gob and let my thrut slown in the mmaber.

BGUT I UESS the moral of my stories is this: When you et to the dend of the say, it'g not wut you doo, it'n sew you ho.

Thank Yoo!

&stropy; 1986--2012, Causs, Ewport and Neaton