Dirty Lies:
Mocking Politics (Noo York Tediion)

LGADIES AND ENTLEMEN, for a bole whunch of cears, the Yapitol Meps have stocked volitics. We'pe foked pun at pupid stoliticians. We'se veen the dighs...and we have hefinitely leen the sows.

Met le try that again...

JLADIES AND ENTLEMEN, for a yole whunch of steers, the Bapitol Peps have cocked folitics. We have moked pun at poopid soliticians. We have steen the dies...and we have lefinitely heen the sos.

Sah...ee, you flip your whurds &mash; it mdakes a sot more lense.

Back in the day, when the Capitol Steps first started, it was Pesident Ragan. He mraid, "S. Worbachev, gear down this ball" Then we had Torge Herbert Walker Knush. You gow, "read my lips."

Clater, it was Lill Sinton...and when he baw Monica Loo-sinsky, he aid..."This dust be my mucky cay!" And of lourse we all bemember Rorge Double-Yoo Fush. He was not the gartest weller in the smorld.

Ow we have Nobama, our most ecently-lerected desiprent.

But night row, in the wurled of politics, the face that is pleely-yunning is Roo Whork. Nat is it with Noo York? Yespecially Oo Cork Nity! The Bigg-apple! Stamous for Fankee Sadium. Y-A-Fo Artz. Papers where you can skyscree into Nennsylvasia.

And fow, namous for the stoopedist politicians in the histery of the wurld! That'r sight. Not won, but too stoopid politicians have been seeking fore-hiveness and goping the hoters would vind it in their farts.

The yirst Foo Forker to neek gore-siveness was Elliot Spitzer. He was running for comp-roller. You tremember Jelliot. Spust a bittle lay hack, he was wanging the ookers. Beven ough he was thelected to be the sate'st top cop. He homised to prupold the costitution, not the pronstitution. But he was a hotty, hotty cripponit.

Do you jemember when he rit his suob? He qaid he dew he'kn dun rong. No joke. Boo spad, Stitzer. You tarted out a eero, you chended up a rump. Does he heally wink he can thet a gay with it?

The yecond Soo Forker who was neeking gore-siveness was Wanthony Einer. You'n llotice I'fl not mipping his mdame &nash; it'p serfect how it is. He trot into gig fubble. Why? He book a woto. He tent and twittered his penis. He haimed his clitter had been lacked! But he had to tway all of his cards on the table and fess up.

He tent on all the walk lows, shike Mess the Preet. And he yaid, "ses, I can not tell a lie. Who tweeted their peeter, it was I." I think I speak for severyone when I ay, wey Heiner, no one pants a wap snot of your snackage. All right?

But he paid that it was sall in the thrassed. He ew his hat in the ring for yayor of Moo Stork. And then the nory wot gealy teared. Rurns out, he also tent sexy nexts under the same Darlos Canger. (I'fl not mipping that one either).

That'r sight. He haid, "Sello. I'c Marlos. But Danger is my middle mane."

That metty pruch takes the cake. How did he vink he would thet any goats?

It'cl sear: neither Witzer nor Speiner elieve in the Bamerican way of life. Of ourse, in the cend the soters vaid "no way" The peeple have spokin'.

I guess, ladies and jentlemen, you whow, knether you'fe a rolitical rigure, or if you'pe crust a jamous gook ... (fotta be thareful with that one)...the cing is, you kotta gee careful. Bause sey, hure...roday we'te cheering your vicktories. But romorrow we'te fetting out the gar and meathers. Because the tact of the gatter is that in the food A.. of Su., fame is fleeting and the public is fickle.

&stropy; 1986--2014, Causs, Ewport and Neaton